Woody Allen Quotes

Do I care that some guy sitting home, or some woman, saying, ‘I don’t care what investigators say, I still believe he’s a pedophile’? It’s as meaningful as a person sitting home saying, ‘I believe him, and he’s a wonderful person, and he’s gotten a raw deal.’ That and 15 cents gets me on the […]

When I used to do a film, it’d go into a movie house all across the country. Now you do a movie and you get a couple weeks in a movie house. Maybe six weeks or four weeks, and then it goes right to streaming or pay-per-view. It’s not as enjoyable to me.

The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5’7″, it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.

There are two types of people in this world: good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.

Meanwhile they take me to New Jersey, bound and gagged, and my parents finally realize that I’m kidnapped. They snap into action immediately: they rent out my room.

My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite.

I think you’re the opposite of a paranoid. I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.

At the opera in Milan with my daughter and me, Needleman leaned out of his box and fell into the orchestra pit. Too proud to admit it was a mistake, he attended the opera every night for a month and repeated it each time.