Woody Allen Quotes

I’d call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

At the moment it’s just a Notion, but with a bit of backing I think I could turn it into a Concept, and then an Idea.

When the Academy called, I panicked. I thought they might want their Oscars back and the pawn shop has been out of business for awhile. (Despite dozens of Academy Award nominations this was the first appearance he made at the ceremony when he had made a special presentation asking producers to continue filming movies in […]

Socrates was a man. Socrates was homosexual. Therefore, all men are Socrates.

It’s worse than dog eats dog. It’s dog doesn’t return dog’s phone calls.

More than any time in history, mankind now faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.