Woody Allen Quotes

I recently turned sixty. Practically a third of my life is over.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Now he emerged from the hotel and walked up Eighth Avenue. Two men were mugging an elderly lady. My God, thought Weinstein, time was when one person could handle that job. Some city. Chaos everywhere. Kant was right: The mind imposes order. It also tells you how much to tip. What a wonderful thing, to […]

I never used to go to the beach because I come from Brooklyn. We only had Coney Island, which was an awful beach. There were rumors during the war that enemy submarines – German subs – came into the bathing area at Coney Island and were destroyed by the pollution.

I am at two with nature.

Ben Jonson is not to be confused with Samuel Johnson. He was Samuel Johnson. Samuel Johnson was not. Samuel Johnson was Samuel Pepys. Pepys was actually Raleigh, who had escaped from the tower to write Paradise Lost under the name of John Milton, a poet who because of blindness accidently escaped to the tower and […]

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Intellectuals are like the mafia; they only kill their own.

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.