I put contact lenses in my dog’s eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
Steven Wright Quotes
I took my dog for a walk… all the way from New York to Florida… I said to him “There now you’re done.”
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
I have the world’s largest collection of seashells. I keep it scattered around the beaches of the world. Perhaps you’ve seen it.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?