Woody Allen Quotes

The real question is: ‘Given what people are, why doesn’t it happen more often?’ Of course, it does, in subtler forms. (speaking of Auschwitz)

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.

If Jesus Christ came back today and saw what was being done in his name, he’d never stop throwing up.

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.

When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl – she wanted a divorce.

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife.

The three most beautiful words in the English language are not “I love you.” They are: “It is benign.”

Los Angeles… I mean, who would want to live in a place where the only cultural advantage is that you can turn right on a red light.

I’m not a fighter, I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.

Some guy hit my fender and I said “be fruitful and multiply” but not in those words.