The first draught a man drinks ought to be for thirst, the second for nourishment, the third for pleasure, the fourth for madness.

A drunk man’s tongue is a sober man’s mind.

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.

Warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

When there are a lot of drunk people about to drive home, drive as fast as you can. It is a lot harder for drunk people to hit you that way.

Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can’t say it.

Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink?

I’m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.

It’s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.